The Tide Has Turned And Now My Coffee Tastes Weird
Relax, my friends, and allow me to regale you with a story that touches on every human emotion. A cautionary tale of modern man and his struggle against an uncaring society. An epic so vast in its implications for life on this planet that–
Enough of that. My coffee tastes weird.
I drink the same coffee pretty much every day. It’s a whole-bean Sumatran dark roast. Good, strong stuff. I drink it from the same mug every day: a Contigo stainless steel contraption that keeps the java nice and hot. Can’t stand lukewarm coffee. Importantly, the mug’s top is plastic. You’ll need to know that.
Here’s where the plot gets interesting. Several weeks ago, we purchased our mega container of liquid laundry detergent. One of those that you lay sideways on the counter so its spigot or tap or whatever hangs over the edge. Then you simply push the button to dispense detergent into a cup. Days later, somehow, whether it was gravity or gremlins, the container plummeted to the floor, breaking in the process.
My wife realized what had happened, grabbed a gallon-sized pitcher, and managed to save most of the detergent. No big deal, right? Well, a couple of days ago we finally used the last of the detergent. Me being the thrifty guy I am, I wasn’t willing to throw the pitcher away. Those things cost like a dollar. After rinsing thoroughly and making sure there was no detergent left, I dropped the pitcher in the dishwasher.
Unfortunately, the top to my coffee mug was also in there. I ran the dishwasher and everything seemed fine. I mean, a slight odor of laundry detergent, but nothing major.
As it turns out, laundry detergent apparently alters the DNA of plastic and embeds itself deep within the molecules. Yes, I know plastic doesn’t really have DNA. I’m not an idiot, in spite of what popular opinion and the second stall in the women’s restroom at church may claim.
The next morning I prepared my coffee as usual, which is to say I poured it in my mug and screwed the lid on. It’s really strange, because you’d think you wouldn’t know what laundry detergent tastes like, but you do. The lid had been infused and my coffee now had a distinctive Clean Burst flavor. A lot like eating soap (and yes, my mother actually washed my mouth out with soap once). Not good, but still better than decaf.
Long story short (too late, I know), my new coffee mug comes tomorrow. The pitcher has been relegated to duty in my workshop. And my mouth still has a soapy taste, which is nasty, but at least I can clean the toilets at the same time I use them. Scrubbing bubbles, indeed.