Breakfast in Bed

 In A-to-Z Blog Hop, Blog

There seems to be this glamorous image of eating breakfast in bed. Fluffy pillows, satiny sheets, sunshine streaming through the window. You awaken, every hair in place and minty-fresh breath, yawn, stretch, and admire the bounty your spouse and/or kids have placed before you.

Steaming coffee, fresh-squeezed OJ, eggs, bacon, fruit, and toast. Today’s paper folded neatly beside it all. A wondrous start to the day.

Uh-huh. Has that ever happened to anyone? Not at my house.

breakfast-in-bed

First of all, if it worked that way, what incentive would there be to get out of bed? I’m telling you, only two things get me up in the morning. One is hunger. The other is the potty. I should probably reverse the order of those two.

If I did decide to fix breakfast in bed for my wife, here’s how the rest of my day would go:

  1. Clean skillet to remove burnt bacon and eggs. Learn that Brillo pads shouldn’t be used on Teflon. Add skillet to shopping list.
  2. Research craft project for three dozen orange peels. Add orange squeezer to shopping list. Make doctor’s appointment for sprained wrists.
  3. Answer the knock at the door. Tell neighbor that no, I did not steal their paper. Again.
  4. Brush crumbs off the sheets. Decide that’s not working. Change the sheets. Vacuum crumbs off the floor.
  5. Console crying wife who’s convinced I’ve done something horrible otherwise why would I bring her breakfast in bed? Schedule marriage counseling.

Here’s the thing. A Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie makes the perfect breakfast in bed. Plus, you can eat it on the way to the bathroom. Win-win, I say. Start the day off right, people.

 

Has anyone every served you breakfast in bed?

Tweet: Breakfast in bed. The reality behind the myth.

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Showing 17 comments
  • J'nell Ciesielski

    My husband brought me Cheerios once when I was pregnant. No birds sang, no satiny sheets, and I think I had to listen to the dog cleaning herself next to the bed the whole time. It’s the gesture that counts.

    • Tom Threadgill

      The gesture, huh? And nice touch with the dog. 🙂

  • Joanne Sher

    I’ve never had breakfast in bed like that (that I can remember) – other than after I’d had knee surgery and could barely stand. Was probably cereal. Breakfast in bed isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

    • Tom Threadgill

      Agreed. I’ve never had it either. Not that I haven’t snacked in bed, but that’s different!

  • Kathleen Rouser

    Okay, I think I will get mommy points deducted, but I know my kids brought me breakfast a couple of times. I just can’t remember what it was! Although, the last time our youngest lived here, he did bring me coffee one morning, which was very sweet. When I was pregnant, I think I only got crackers in bed. But my hubby makes great breakfasts on the weekend that are worth getting out of bed for. Since I don’t have a maid, I prefer not to have crumbs in bed anyway. 😉

    This post reminds me of a funny sign I saw the other day. It said, “If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen!” ☺

    • Tom Threadgill

      Hey! Kids don’t count so it’s all good. 🙂

  • Karla Akins

    Breakfast in bed? People do that? I guess the only time I’ve had breakfast in bed is in the hospital. But I’m always soooo sick when I’m there it’s hardly worth it and certainly not anything to celebrate! Funny about the oatmeal cream pies. Love those horrible things! LOL. The twins love ’em, too, and it’s what we take with us on vacation for breakfast. TOO. FUNNY.

  • Tom Threadgill

    Little Debbie is the most popular girl in the South for good reasons!

  • Janet Grunst

    No fancy sheets, but I bring my husband breakfast in bed everyday – and he likes it.

    • Tom Threadgill

      I bet he does! Thanks for sharing, Janet!

    • D.L. Diener

      :chin hits floor, mouth left agape:

  • D.L. Diener

    I have had breakfast in bed. And (shhh) I can’t stand it. I get to sleep late on the mornings this happens (prior to becoming a mother it was random), which is usually Mother’s Day. And I love to sleep late, but sleeping late is weird when you know you’re being watched. And then, after a long sleep, there is- as you’ve pointed out, a need to alleviate the pressure built-up in one’s bladder and also, the need to fill the emptiness in one’s belly, and for me, restore the caffeine levels in my blood. But, no no, I’m having breakfast in bed. So, sure, get up to use the toilet. This signals my spouse to gather the children and begin making the feast. Wouldn’t want it to sit around all cold, so it has to be made fresh.
    So… I sit there in bed, I run a hand through my Kramer-esque morning hair (because a picture will come to document it), and assess my pajamas. Buttons haven’t come undone and nothing is too thin that the flash of a camera will reveal what’s underneath. I twiddle my thumbs. I look over at my bedside table. There is nothing there to read. I really don’t read in bed, ever, do I? (Thankfully, smart phones have made passing this time more enjoyable.)
    By the time my children barrel through the door and hop onto the bed next to me, causing the mattress tide to rise and fall, I’m starved (no, not actually starved, it’s hyperbole, I do understand true starvation). My husband sets down the tray, my children lean in because they want me to ooh and ahh over their masterpiece. Unfortunately, syrup, glass, juice, hot coffee and the other things they’ve placed around the bed tray (that only gets brought out for this) start to spill, sway, and wobble. I do my best to steady it with one hand, and attempt to pick up my coffee with the other, to sip the will-be-awful-coffee (my husband doesn’t drink it, it’s always a guess). I ooh and ahh. I say how wonderful it is. But the selection is always what my kids wanted to eat, like super sugary pancakes. I don’t like pancakes. I tell them how sweet it is. But meanwhile I’m hoping I don’t have to get syrup off my dry-clean only bedspread. My husband takes away the tray and I cuddle with my kids (I really do love that part). And then I realize, it’s 5 o’clock and I need to make supper and I haven’t left the bed yet, and I’m sticky.

    It’s a love/hate thing this breakfast in bed stuff.

    (that was a mighty long comment, sorry!)

    • Tom Threadgill

      I was with you right up to “I don’t like pancakes.” You completely lost me there. 🙂 Thanks for commenting!

  • Lisa Betz

    I never understood the appeal of breakfast in bed. Brings back memories of being sick in bed, eating tea and toast. I’d much rather be treated to lunch or dinner anyway.

    • Tom Threadgill

      No kidding! And no dishes to clean either. Thanks for commenting, Lisa!

  • Patty Wysong

    LoL–the only time I’ve done breakfast in bed was crackers…to keep everything in its place. *eye roll*

    I like how you think, Tom. LOL