Breakfast in Bed
There seems to be this glamorous image of eating breakfast in bed. Fluffy pillows, satiny sheets, sunshine streaming through the window. You awaken, every hair in place and minty-fresh breath, yawn, stretch, and admire the bounty your spouse and/or kids have placed before you.
Steaming coffee, fresh-squeezed OJ, eggs, bacon, fruit, and toast. Today’s paper folded neatly beside it all. A wondrous start to the day.
Uh-huh. Has that ever happened to anyone? Not at my house.
First of all, if it worked that way, what incentive would there be to get out of bed? I’m telling you, only two things get me up in the morning. One is hunger. The other is the potty. I should probably reverse the order of those two.
If I did decide to fix breakfast in bed for my wife, here’s how the rest of my day would go:
- Clean skillet to remove burnt bacon and eggs. Learn that Brillo pads shouldn’t be used on Teflon. Add skillet to shopping list.
- Research craft project for three dozen orange peels. Add orange squeezer to shopping list. Make doctor’s appointment for sprained wrists.
- Answer the knock at the door. Tell neighbor that no, I did not steal their paper. Again.
- Brush crumbs off the sheets. Decide that’s not working. Change the sheets. Vacuum crumbs off the floor.
- Console crying wife who’s convinced I’ve done something horrible otherwise why would I bring her breakfast in bed? Schedule marriage counseling.
Here’s the thing. A Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie makes the perfect breakfast in bed. Plus, you can eat it on the way to the bathroom. Win-win, I say. Start the day off right, people.
Has anyone every served you breakfast in bed?