9 Dentists Agree: 10th One is Just Being a Jerk

 In Blog, Wits End

A recent study of dentist surveys has concluded that Lou Stooth, DDS, is the reason dental decisions are never unanimous.

“It doesn’t matter what we’re talking about,” said one participant. “Lou never wants to go along. Could be the best toothpaste in the world. Cures cavities by magic. Lou wouldn’t care, so once again, 9 out of 10 dentists agree.

Another tooth doctor stepped forward. “It doesn’t even have to be about teeth. The sky’s blue? Not for Lou. The pizza’s delicious? He could be on his 4th slice and still say it was terrible.”

“Yeah,” another dentist said. “10 out of 10 of us agree that Lou’s just being ornery. How about that?”

“Not true,” Dr. Stooth said. “Not true at all. They’re just jealous because I’ve made a good living by refusing to go along with the crowd. Think about it. Which sounds better? 9 out of 10 dentists agree, or 100% of dentists agree? People are skeptical. You tell them everyone agrees on something, no one’s going to believe it. Why do you think these companies keep calling me for their studies?”

“Maybe I should get in on that action,” said another.

Dr. Stooth shook his head. “8 out of 10 dentists agree? The product would never make it to market. ‘Oooh, our toothpaste is great. 80% of dentists agree.’ Yeah, the public’s not stupid. Most of them anyway. 80% won’t cut it. Has to sound legitimate without being iffy.”

“You know what, Lou? Maybe we should rotate it around. Let others be the disagreeable one now and then.”

“Happy to,” Dr. Stooth said. “Let’s take a vote. If it’s unanimous, we’ll do it.”

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